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Morning roundup: A transfer update expected, Stokes to be forced out on the wing, and the joys of flying

Welcome back, brothers. We're expecting two imminent transfers today, while Hibs' plan to not bottle every big game since 1954 has hit a snag.

Alex Livesey/Getty Images

Aye, we're just a weekday morning roundup. Sorry if you were disappointed by our absence over the past two days, but that's not our fault - it's the fault of you, the fans out there, the working man. We need lie-ins too. A football writer's job might have the peak hours at the weekend but unless you're going to sit in the pub on your own you're still stuck going out on a Friday and Saturday night, because you lot are too good to go to work on an honest hangover. We sit in the pub on our own as well in the week as well, of course, but like when the doctor asks, if nobody sees you drinking, it doesnae count. Anyway, here's the news.

Michael O'Halloran and Toumani Diagouraga still aren't Rangers players

But they might be at some point today, so stay tuned for that. Check our Rangers Transfer News hub, and F5 like you're a Celtic fan on Ill Phil's blog, because we'll be getting news one way or another.

How Nathan Oduwa lost his way

This website spoke to another fine SBNation production, Cartilage Free Captain, on why the talented youngster they sent us was all vines of rainbow flicks one minute and all "Had his place in the squad taken by a one-season-wonder Coisty signed because his da was a laugh down the pub" the next.

Stokes joins Hibs

Hibs have signed Stokes, and have duly convinced themselves a guy who hasn't kicked a ball in months is going to lead them to overhaul us in the title race. How can they fit him in the same team as Jason Cummings, we hear you cry? Simple: Stokes will probably end up on the wing. Which wing? I don't know, how many does Barlinnie have?

A guide to air stewardess etiquette

It makes no sense that the older you get, the more flights you have to take, but the more terrified you get about taking them, and the more ashamed you become to be gripping the armrests until the foam bursts out the end. It's not so much the dying that scares GTBFO - this blog is all we have to live for, and hits are disappointing because none of you are commenting - it's the indignity. Imagine going down on a July flight to Magaluf, and the terrible scenes that would unfold. When GTBFO flies back to its ancestral home in the Highlands, there's no such fear, because quietly ploughing into an uninhabited Scottish island when you're the only passenger on the plane is a great way to go, like a Teuchter Jimmy Dean. When GTBFO dies, we want to be in the company of a beautiful woman, a permatanned 43-year-old gay guy and a trolley full of Red Label miniatures.