clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

What if Donald Trump had bought Rangers?

Donald J. Trump was sworn in as the 45th President of the United States of America today but five years ago he was looking at taking office as the head of a different red, white and blue global powerhouse. Rangers.

In the end Trump opted to go for the lower profile role before going on and securing the presidency but we’ve decided to take a lead from his presidential campaign to look at how a Trump takeover might have gone.

"These people Watford are sending us... They're not their best people"

Over the last 20 years there has been an influx of overpaid, under-talented foreigners who have flooded the Scottish game to the detriment of youth development. In recent years many have headed to Ibrox via Watford but Chairman Trump might have demanded a heavily domestic-based transfer policy and extreme vetting of potential targets to make sure the club only bring the very best into the club. There’ll be a stop put to the hordes heading up the M1.

Drain The Swamp

In a move that would instantly win over most Rangers fans, ‘The Donald’ may have borrowed from what would become one of his most famous mantra’s and looked to push forward overhauls at the very top of the Scottish game. Gone would be Scottish football’s toothless leaders to be replaced with people who aren’t afraid to just grab it by the...never mind. Perhaps Vince McMahon (a longtime friend and financial supporter of Trump) could have headed the Scottish FA and rebranded the Scottish Cup final as ‘FITBAMANIA’.

Build A Wall

Trump actually played football as a teenager and it would appear that he favours a defensive brand of football, possibly harking back to Rangers’ famous Iron Curtain defence, and would expect any manager to be place a particular emphasis on defensive stength. Despite this Trump is known to be keen on Alt-right wingers. Just like Trump’s wall, Trump’s Rangers would expect someone else to pay for it.

Inauguration Welcome Concert Held At The Lincoln Memorial Photo by Aaron P. Bernstein/Getty Images

Make Rangers Great Again

Away from the headline slogans Trump would have had various avenues to have improved the club’s fortunes. He’s not exactly short of a few quid and would have no problem spending bigly in the transfer market, he’d be the ideal person to push forward redevelopment of the area surrounding Ibrox and his media profile would almost certainly have had an effect on the club’s commercial deals.

Finally, the billionaire could have dealt with any criticism of the club by launching into a Twitter slanging match. Instead of President Trump slating Alec Baldwin’s Trump parody on Saturday Night Live we might have seen Chairman Trump take to social media for a battle of wits with the likes of Keith Jackson, Gerry McCulloch or Tom English. Thinking about it though, the idea of Chairman Trump dealing with Sevco moonhowlers on Twitter is quite appealing.