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Good morning, brothers and sisters. We hope you're looking forward to this morning's roundup. Or, should we say, this morning roundup as potentially read by Sir Davie Weir. Aye, that's right - GTBFO is not yet a month old, but managed to pick up our hallowed assistant manager as a follower on Twitter over the weekend - our insight so insightful, our takes so hot, that they've already made their way up the old marble staircase. Don't worry though - we won't be changing our editorial policy as a result and we'll still be the same fearless publication, never afraid to criticise the club, that we have been since inception. Look out for our upcoming articles this week "Why Nicky Law definitely deserves his new four-year deal", "Rangers lineup - Mark Warburton, presumably under the advice of handsome assistant, wisely picks in-form Zelalem yet again" and "30 reasons why we can't get enough of short corners."
You'll be wanting your news. Sorry there's not much of it.
Scottish Cup draw time
The Scottish Cup draw is at 6:30pm, and we'll have it on the site as soon as it happens. If we can get past Kilmarnock next Tuesday, we'll face one of Inverness, Dundee United, Hearts/Hibs, Celtic, or Dundee/Dumbarton. Morton or Ross County.
Kieran Prior urges Dave King to fight Mike Ashley
Kieran Prior, who owns a little over 1% of Rangers and is apparently considered "one of the most intelligent men in the world" according to this article and presumably his maw, wants Dave King to try and get the Sports Direct contract torn up, and he explained his reasoning to City A.M.
Rangers associate with the wrong kind of football
Rangers wish Graham Gano of Arbroath well in what is apparently "one of the biggest matches in the football world." Gano is such a die-hard fan that he once tweeted "Never liked Celtic. If anything it was Rangers, lived in GER and pulled for FCB." Ah well, fair enough. But just remember it's easy to say 'och well what's the harm once a year', but how many times have you been out with pals lately and two of them have had a conversation about American Football? As if it were a completely normal, socially-acceptable thing to do? It's the thin end of the wedge.
U.N. Security Council vows new sanctions after North Korea rocket launch
Rangers' dawdling at returning to the big time has left some of us in the lurch somewhat. Some of us are waiting to have children, unwilling to bring a human being into a world where Rangers aren't in the top flight, some of us are waiting on seeing how it turns out before considering another suicide attempt, and some of us are tired of holding off the reaper for natural causes, waiting to see the Rangers back before we can finally shuffle off into that good night. In any case, a message for the boys: gonnae hurry the fuck up before we all die in a nuclear holocaust? We might not get another shot at this with all this North Korea carry on. Please don't let future alien archaeologists discover Ibrox and say "it appears to have been the home of a SPFL Championship team."