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Kilmarnock 1-2 Rangers: Instant reaction and player ratings based on looks alone

We couldn't make head nor tail of what was going on in the game, so we just rated the players based on their looks instead.

Mark Runnacles/Getty Images

Well, that was fun. A pretty delirious night, between the last-minute Clark winner, the Periscope antics, GTBFO prediction-league-participator (he got the score right as well) JohnnyFitba managing to get half of our support to bite on his "am reportin yeez to the polis" trolling, all of it.

We'll now face Dundee or Dumbarton (Dundee) in the next round, and that'll presumably be televised for our viewing pleasure. Although we'd be willing to try the Periscope one more time. Let the lads down south have HD cameras and Thierry Henry at half time - this was real.

Oh, the game? Of course, having flicked through about five periscope streams with 30,000 other people and gone from that guy who appeared to have delirium tremens to the super-smooth camerawork of the last guy, we still didn't really know what the hell was going on, and as a result can't really comment on the match or the performances. Because of that, here are our player ratings based on the players' looks alone.

Wes Foderingham 7

Tall, well-build, staunch, decent hair. Somewhat jowly, but would be a harsh criticism.

James Tavernier 8

Photographs poorly sometimes but make no mistake, we have a real quality guy on our hands here. One of our biggest assets.

Rob Kiernan 9

Your da probably never thought he'd see an Irish youth international line up in defence for Rangers, and while we live in more enlightened times, we didn't expect one to be our most handsome player. Not within our lifetime, anyway.

Danny Wilson 4

Balloon-like head lets him down sadly, which is a real shame for the Murray Park-bred youngster, which has otherwise turned out such high-quality graduates.

Andy Halliday 7

Can look somewhat like a cubist painting from the wrong angle, but a cubist painting of a good-looking guy nonetheless.

Dominic Ball 6

Much like he plays, solid enough but unspectacular in every respect.

Jason Holt 6

No bad, but it would be to view him with rose-tinted spectacles to suggest he was the complete package. There's definitely something missing.

Barrie McKay 6

His recent hair has been a great improvement, although we're still doubtful about his ultimate potential.

Martyn Waghorn 6

Necks aren't for everyone, but on personal taste, we do prefer men who have them. Nonetheless, there's nothing else much wrong here.

Kenny Miller 2

We love Kenny, but he unfortunately has a face like a skelped arse. Sorry.


Harry Forrester 6

Perhaps like his playing ability too, in that he's nowhere near the calibre he thinks he is.

Dean Shiels 5

Something not quite right going on here, but we can't put our finger on what it is. Again, surprising how these probably mirror the exact playing style.

Nicky Clark 6

So nearly great, and yet it's all seemed to go wrong at the last minute just before his face was set. But it ends up being a solid look.